It has taken me some time to get myself together on this post. Christmas has come and gone and I didn't blog about it. The kids have done some funny things and I haven't blogged about them. I have been distracted. I got some news in late November that has changed my life as I know it. It was either an early Christmas present to my me for my health or the most devastating health news I have ever received. I guess it depends on how you look at it.
I have Type 2 diabetes. It has changed virtually everything about my life. I poke my fingers and check my blood sugar a million times a day, I obsess about what I eat, I cry, I worry about every ache and pain, my house is a wreck because I can't get my life back to "normal" and I worry I am going to die tomorrow and leave my husband and my kids. I often feel like I am going crazy, I am not sleeping well, I am experiencing what are probably medication side effects and I spend a lot of time feeling nauseated and tired. I blame myself for getting fat and out of shape (although I have learned that winning the genetic lottery is also a requirement for Type 2 diabetes because not all fat people get Type 2 and not all Type 2s are fat).
But before you think I am going to completely lose it before tomorrow, there are some positives. This diagnosis could very well allow me to live a longer and healthier life than I would have otherwise as it will force me to pay closer attention to my health and my habits. I have had tons of tests that have come back OK - my heart seems OK, my liver and kidneys seem fine - and I am eating well and exercising and am more in tune with what affects my body. I have lost 12 pounds this month, I have stretches where I feel pretty good for hours at a time, I have met some supportive and inspiring people on-line, I have become something of an expert on many things diabetes and I have a new appreciation for the life I do have and all of the good things in it.
I will never be "cured" but in 2011 I hope to learn how to balance my new chronic illness with my real life. I know there will be good days and bad days, I know that there will be times where I can't function and leave Aaron holding the bag and I know I will have setbacks. I also know that every cloud has a silver lining - sometimes it is just a little harder to find than others. But I will be looking hard because this is my new life and I don't plan to let diabetes get the best of it. So I hope to laugh a little harder, play a little more, love like it can all be lost in an instant and worry a lot less. I hope to learn to live in a way that I haven't always before - finding joy in all the moments and focusing on the real blessings in my life.
Diabetes. Blessing or curse? I guess it depends on how you look at it.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Home sweet home
I just got back from a quick trip to Memphis. It was wonderful to get back home to my cute little family and the sweet little Grantisms... Grant put his head on my chest and looked at me and said " Your tummy is growling. You so hungry. You need to eat cheese."
Gotta love how he looks out for his Mommy! :)
Gotta love how he looks out for his Mommy! :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
sacrifice
Between Veteran's Day, a book I am reading called the Power of Half (a family gives up half of their wealth to give it to others) and the "giving" season of Christmas upon us, the subject of sacrifice has been popping up in my life repeatedly for the last week or so. So I will do what I do when I need to empty my brain to clear space for the important things like keeping the family calendar up to date and making sure the kids are fed - I will blog.
The sacrifices of the members of the military are obvious. I have great respect for all they do and all they risk. I obviously didn't ever join the military, but that is something I can conceive of having done if my life had been different. But I didn't, and I know I can't even begin to understand how it feels to dedicate your life to preserving the well-being of an entire nation, knowing that you are putting yourself in harm's way.
But to me there is something very emotionally different about sacrificing yourself and sacrificing someone you love.
I have never read the Bible from beginning to end. I get bored right around the begats and give it up. Plus the Old Testament is full of really depressing stories - the warm fuzzy of Jesus is definitely missing and with all the teeth gnashing and punishment I tend to move on to happier books. Like The Very Hungry Caterpillar or Spot Goes to the Circus.
Anyway...if I ever were to actually make it past Chapter 11 in the book of Genesis, I would be able to read the the story of Abraham and Isaac again. Every time this particular story comes up in a Bible study or a sermon or Sunday school, I freak out. What are the chances that I am marching my kid up a mountain, getting a fire going and tying my kid to the altar to sacrifice him? And when little Johnny says "where is the lamb for the sacrifice?", what are the chances that I am going to say "don't worry, little Johnny. God will be providing that shortly. In the meantime, hop up here on this pile of sticks and hang out while I light them on fire." I can tell you the chances - ZERO! Now the reason I am so disturbed by this is because I realize this makes me not only unwilling to sacrifice something I love, but I am also pretty sure I would disobey a direct order from God. I like to think I would be obedient if God were to appear before me and issue a direct command, but I certainly can't say with any conviction that I would gather my kid and my fire and head out the door.
As if the two above scenarios aren't enough to make me tremble, I had to go and read a book that contains a story about Zell Kravinsky. This man took the majority of his $45 MILLION dollar worth (that HE earned through real estate sales) and donated them to various causes. Then he donated a kidney to A RANDOM STRANGER just because so many people are waiting for kidney transplants. His wife and kids evidently think he is a little off his rocker and I can't say I disagree with them. But the real kicker is this...this man believes so thoroughly in the fact that all people are truly of equal value that when asked by NY TIMES magazine if he would allow his child to die if it would enable a thousand children to live, he said yes.
HOLY SHIT!
Just in case you missed it the first time, when asked if he would allow his child to die if it would enable a thousand children to live, Kravinsky said yes.
Indeed, he has said he would permit his child to die even if this enabled only two other children to live.
And I have to say that I believe that a guy who gives up the vast majority of his wealth and a kidney might just actually mean it.
This got me to thinking...what is my answer to that question? Even if you don't have kids, you could easily replace "child" with "Mom", "spouse" or "dear friend". How many of us are really willing to give up even one thing we love even if it means helping a whole lots of other people?
Kind of makes the measly donations I make feel pathetic when I think about what it would really mean to sacrifice. There is a big difference between the way I give (resulting in a feel-good moment for me with the added bonus of making someone elses life a little easier) and giving up a REAL piece of me, emotionally or physically.
Gotta go. There are calendars to update and kids to feed.
The sacrifices of the members of the military are obvious. I have great respect for all they do and all they risk. I obviously didn't ever join the military, but that is something I can conceive of having done if my life had been different. But I didn't, and I know I can't even begin to understand how it feels to dedicate your life to preserving the well-being of an entire nation, knowing that you are putting yourself in harm's way.
But to me there is something very emotionally different about sacrificing yourself and sacrificing someone you love.
I have never read the Bible from beginning to end. I get bored right around the begats and give it up. Plus the Old Testament is full of really depressing stories - the warm fuzzy of Jesus is definitely missing and with all the teeth gnashing and punishment I tend to move on to happier books. Like The Very Hungry Caterpillar or Spot Goes to the Circus.
Anyway...if I ever were to actually make it past Chapter 11 in the book of Genesis, I would be able to read the the story of Abraham and Isaac again. Every time this particular story comes up in a Bible study or a sermon or Sunday school, I freak out. What are the chances that I am marching my kid up a mountain, getting a fire going and tying my kid to the altar to sacrifice him? And when little Johnny says "where is the lamb for the sacrifice?", what are the chances that I am going to say "don't worry, little Johnny. God will be providing that shortly. In the meantime, hop up here on this pile of sticks and hang out while I light them on fire." I can tell you the chances - ZERO! Now the reason I am so disturbed by this is because I realize this makes me not only unwilling to sacrifice something I love, but I am also pretty sure I would disobey a direct order from God. I like to think I would be obedient if God were to appear before me and issue a direct command, but I certainly can't say with any conviction that I would gather my kid and my fire and head out the door.
As if the two above scenarios aren't enough to make me tremble, I had to go and read a book that contains a story about Zell Kravinsky. This man took the majority of his $45 MILLION dollar worth (that HE earned through real estate sales) and donated them to various causes. Then he donated a kidney to A RANDOM STRANGER just because so many people are waiting for kidney transplants. His wife and kids evidently think he is a little off his rocker and I can't say I disagree with them. But the real kicker is this...this man believes so thoroughly in the fact that all people are truly of equal value that when asked by NY TIMES magazine if he would allow his child to die if it would enable a thousand children to live, he said yes.
HOLY SHIT!
Just in case you missed it the first time, when asked if he would allow his child to die if it would enable a thousand children to live, Kravinsky said yes.
Indeed, he has said he would permit his child to die even if this enabled only two other children to live.
And I have to say that I believe that a guy who gives up the vast majority of his wealth and a kidney might just actually mean it.
This got me to thinking...what is my answer to that question? Even if you don't have kids, you could easily replace "child" with "Mom", "spouse" or "dear friend". How many of us are really willing to give up even one thing we love even if it means helping a whole lots of other people?
Kind of makes the measly donations I make feel pathetic when I think about what it would really mean to sacrifice. There is a big difference between the way I give (resulting in a feel-good moment for me with the added bonus of making someone elses life a little easier) and giving up a REAL piece of me, emotionally or physically.
Gotta go. There are calendars to update and kids to feed.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Nerd Shirt
I got this for Aaron when the kids and I visited the California Academy of Sciences (waaaaaaaay cool place to visit BTW). He deemed it a shirt for "nerd events". Since he is wearing it tonight, I thinking that makes hanging at home a "nerd event". Fine with me - I am comfortable with our nerdiness!
Everyday stuff
I am stewing over a political post at the moment, but decided it might be a good time to throw in a "Fun in the Life of the Reeds" post in the meantime.
Mom and John were up for race weekend and we had a great time, as usual. The most exciting thing to me was our new headsets - we can talk during the race through the headsets. A real necessity for someone like me who can only be silent for more than 5 minutes if I am sleeping.
October saw the end of our pool construction - a welcome relief to all involved. We got to swim a handful of times before the heater (really our bank account) just couldn't get the water warm enough in the cool weather. We are looking forward to enjoying it in the spring when all of the trials of the build are behind us!
I was part of my friend Barb's 40th birthday celebration we stayed in KC for the weekend and had a great time doing "girl" stuff - manis, pedis, shopping, going out. A good time was had by all!
Grant, Bryn and I went to San Francisco to visit the newest family member - baby Zeke! We got to see and stay with aunts and uncles and cousins and had a wonderful time. Dad and Cheryl met us there and we had a great time. Grant was not a fan of flying - when we got on the plane he screamed. I later deduced from his comments that he was scared the plane was going to fall out of the sky, but promises of sea lions and fish got us through the two legs of the trip on the way out there.
Mom and John were up for race weekend and we had a great time, as usual. The most exciting thing to me was our new headsets - we can talk during the race through the headsets. A real necessity for someone like me who can only be silent for more than 5 minutes if I am sleeping.
October saw the end of our pool construction - a welcome relief to all involved. We got to swim a handful of times before the heater (really our bank account) just couldn't get the water warm enough in the cool weather. We are looking forward to enjoying it in the spring when all of the trials of the build are behind us!
I was part of my friend Barb's 40th birthday celebration we stayed in KC for the weekend and had a great time doing "girl" stuff - manis, pedis, shopping, going out. A good time was had by all!
Grant, Bryn and I went to San Francisco to visit the newest family member - baby Zeke! We got to see and stay with aunts and uncles and cousins and had a wonderful time. Dad and Cheryl met us there and we had a great time. Grant was not a fan of flying - when we got on the plane he screamed. I later deduced from his comments that he was scared the plane was going to fall out of the sky, but promises of sea lions and fish got us through the two legs of the trip on the way out there.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I probably would be better off...
just staying off of Facebook. Why? Because I am way too easily aggravated. A friend posted that he had been called a white devil by a homeless guy outside the coffee shop and I shared a story about I another friend I know that got cussed out by a homeless guy for buying him a sandwich that he didn't like. And another person responded "Would you eat potatoes if you didn't like them? Just asking." And my answer is no. But I also wouldn't cuss out the person who gave them to me when I was hungry. Just saying.
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