It has taken me some time to get myself together on this post. Christmas has come and gone and I didn't blog about it. The kids have done some funny things and I haven't blogged about them. I have been distracted. I got some news in late November that has changed my life as I know it. It was either an early Christmas present to my me for my health or the most devastating health news I have ever received. I guess it depends on how you look at it.
I have Type 2 diabetes. It has changed virtually everything about my life. I poke my fingers and check my blood sugar a million times a day, I obsess about what I eat, I cry, I worry about every ache and pain, my house is a wreck because I can't get my life back to "normal" and I worry I am going to die tomorrow and leave my husband and my kids. I often feel like I am going crazy, I am not sleeping well, I am experiencing what are probably medication side effects and I spend a lot of time feeling nauseated and tired. I blame myself for getting fat and out of shape (although I have learned that winning the genetic lottery is also a requirement for Type 2 diabetes because not all fat people get Type 2 and not all Type 2s are fat).
But before you think I am going to completely lose it before tomorrow, there are some positives. This diagnosis could very well allow me to live a longer and healthier life than I would have otherwise as it will force me to pay closer attention to my health and my habits. I have had tons of tests that have come back OK - my heart seems OK, my liver and kidneys seem fine - and I am eating well and exercising and am more in tune with what affects my body. I have lost 12 pounds this month, I have stretches where I feel pretty good for hours at a time, I have met some supportive and inspiring people on-line, I have become something of an expert on many things diabetes and I have a new appreciation for the life I do have and all of the good things in it.
I will never be "cured" but in 2011 I hope to learn how to balance my new chronic illness with my real life. I know there will be good days and bad days, I know that there will be times where I can't function and leave Aaron holding the bag and I know I will have setbacks. I also know that every cloud has a silver lining - sometimes it is just a little harder to find than others. But I will be looking hard because this is my new life and I don't plan to let diabetes get the best of it. So I hope to laugh a little harder, play a little more, love like it can all be lost in an instant and worry a lot less. I hope to learn to live in a way that I haven't always before - finding joy in all the moments and focusing on the real blessings in my life.
Diabetes. Blessing or curse? I guess it depends on how you look at it.