Saturday, January 1, 2011

I guess it depends on how you look at it

It has taken me some time to get myself together on this post. Christmas has come and gone and I didn't blog about it. The kids have done some funny things and I haven't blogged about them. I have been distracted. I got some news in late November that has changed my life as I know it. It was either an early Christmas present to my me for my health or the most devastating health news I have ever received. I guess it depends on how you look at it.

I have Type 2 diabetes. It has changed virtually everything about my life. I poke my fingers and check my blood sugar a million times a day, I obsess about what I eat, I cry, I worry about every ache and pain, my house is a wreck because I can't get my life back to "normal" and I worry I am going to die tomorrow and leave my husband and my kids. I often feel like I am going crazy, I am not sleeping well, I am experiencing what are probably medication side effects and I spend a lot of time feeling nauseated and tired. I blame myself for getting fat and out of shape (although I have learned that winning the genetic lottery is also a requirement for Type 2 diabetes because not all fat people get Type 2 and not all Type 2s are fat).

But before you think I am going to completely lose it before tomorrow, there are some positives. This diagnosis could very well allow me to live a longer and healthier life than I would have otherwise as it will force me to pay closer attention to my health and my habits. I have had tons of tests that have come back OK - my heart seems OK, my liver and kidneys seem fine - and I am eating well and exercising and am more in tune with what affects my body. I have lost 12 pounds this month, I have stretches where I feel pretty good for hours at a time, I have met some supportive and inspiring people on-line, I have become something of an expert on many things diabetes and I have a new appreciation for the life I do have and all of the good things in it.

I will never be "cured" but in 2011 I hope to learn how to balance my new chronic illness with my real life. I know there will be good days and bad days, I know that there will be times where I can't function and leave Aaron holding the bag and I know I will have setbacks. I also know that every cloud has a silver lining - sometimes it is just a little harder to find than others. But I will be looking hard because this is my new life and I don't plan to let diabetes get the best of it. So I hope to laugh a little harder, play a little more, love like it can all be lost in an instant and worry a lot less. I hope to learn to live in a way that I haven't always before - finding joy in all the moments and focusing on the real blessings in my life.

Diabetes. Blessing or curse? I guess it depends on how you look at it.

7 comments:

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Oh, I'd say curse, for sure. But it can be a "lemonade outta lemons" thing. I just left you a novella of a comment on your FB wall. ;-) Seriously, feel free to vent if you need to.

The first 6 months after Manoj's diagnosis were hellish and stressful as we figured out what worked for him. Apparently, not all foods affect every diabetic the same way, so it was a huge learning process. For example, rice has a bigger impact on his blood sugar than potatoes.

Darlene said...

Kara, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My grandfather was diagnosed when I was a small child. You did not need a wake up call, but he did and it was one of the best things to happen to him. The grandfather I remember the most was active and healthy and happy and had a wonderful long, long life. This is one more way that you will be an inspiration to and a model for your kids. Also, I have a yummy cookie recipe we used to make for grandpa that I can share. Hope to see you soon.

Marathon Mom said...

Kara, sorry to hear that you're having a hard time dealing with your diagnosis. I will be praying for peace for you and that you adjust quickly to your new lifestyle change. Glad to hear that you have already found support online. Hang in there!

Jean said...

It won't necessarily be easy, and you won't flat out beat this new foe, but you will learn to live with it. If you ever doubt that, look at those two sweet kids of yours; they're the best incentive you have. If you ever need a place to yell, my email inbox or Facebook wall is as good a place as any. Hang in there!

Debi said...

I suspect it's probably both, sweetie. But you know what, if EVER I've known a woman of determination, it's YOU! I don't pretend that any of this will be easy, but I've no doubt that you will learn to control your diabetes and not vice versa. *hugs my sweet friend* You always know where to find me, and I hope you know I'm always here to listen. Love you, Kara.

Alfred Davis said...

I was diagnosed 10 years ago. First I was in denial then acceptance. I worked it out like this I was on oral meds at first, I would try to watch my sugar but like you said poking your fingers all the time is no fun. Then I realized whatever my sugar level is I take this in the morning and that in the evening so I just quit checking all the time because it was just too aggravating. My blood sugars never got under control until 6 years ago I started taking Lantus a once a day insulin, I resisted insulin at first but it turned out that is what I needed along with my oral medicine. My A1C ran about 7-9 for the first years and after lantus and a change from avandia to actos 30mg once a day it runs about 6.0 to 7.0 consistently without too much or no diet change. I found out what my poison was and stay away from it, ice cream I love ice cream but it raises my sugar for days. So stop sticking yourself so much find your poison and if your A1C is really high talk to your Doc about Once a day long act insulin.

llq said...
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