:)

The best birthday gifts ever! Along with my wonderful hubby, of course (not pictured - I'll catch him next time, though!).

One of those days

You know...the kind where anything that can go wrong seems to go wrong?

Dead car battery. Lost car keys. Water leak. Internet problems. Class issues. Strong willed and stubborn 3 year old in tow.

And just to add some misery - a trip to the DMV where they only take cash or checks. Which then requires loading the screaming 3 year old back into the car to go to the bank for cash.

Good times.

But above mentioned 3 year old did provide some comic relief. After screaming in the DMV for about 10 minutes while I tried to renew my license, he stopped crying and promptly announced to all of the workers:

"I am done pitching my fit now".

Thanks little man. We're glad to hear it.

I would like my normal back now, please.

I just can't seem to right my ship. I can't find my normal, but I know I want it back.

Laurel's death has left me in a place I haven't found myself before - in a spot that I can't "reason" myself out of. No logical thought, step-by-step process or rational thinking is taking me from point a to point B. I am flabbergasted that this loss has knocked me down in a way that nothing else has. I mean, I didn't talk to her everyday. I haven't physically laid eyes on her in years. I hadn't even met her two youngest daughters. But that girl had worked her way into my soul - obviously into one of those places I didn't even know existed because I don't know how to deal with it now that it is exposed.

I get to the point that I think I am on the right track, but then one little (or not-so-little) thing throws me off kilter again. I have less patience than normal (which means I now have ZERO patience), I can't keep the house picked up or get dinner cooked and I just want to run screaming into the night when the car battery dies or the cat pukes on the rug or I wash and dry a pen.

If I went to the doctor, I would bet I would get a diagnosis of depression.

But before my 3 readers (especially you, Mom) freak out and stage an intervention, I would like to say that I KNOW this isn't forever and I KNOW it will get better. I am not spending my days crying or contemplating suicide or coming up with an alternate identity so I can take off for parts unknown. I am familiar with the nature of these things and I fully expect that before long I will once again be riding the high crests of the waves rather than sputtering down here in the troughs. The long and the short of it - some things just suck right now. Not many things, not most things, just some things. And this is one of the blessings of living - having the ability to feel...ALL of it - the good and the bad. I thank God every day that I am here to feel it all. I know I am truly blessed.

But I still want my normal back. And sooner rather than later would be preferable. Pretty please?