Sunday, September 26, 2010

Big Mouth

I have a big mouth. And lots of opinions. I often express them. Loudly. When I am with a group of close friends or with my hubby, I can gossip with the best of them and rarely hesitate to give my opinion (solicited or not) on any given subject. I don't have a bad temper, but I am easily riled up. I stick my foot in my mouth, I talk without thinking and I never hesitate to share my thoughts on how or why someone or something acted or turned out a certain way. I often pray for the good sense to keep my mouth shut, but I must be too busy talking to hear that instruction when it comes. I think duct tape might be the only true solution.

This character trait of mine has some real downsides. I have spent many hours agonizing over the idea or knowledge that I did or could have hurt someone's feelings or, even worse, been wrong about something I said (I HATE being wrong). I have alienated people. I have said some down right stupid things.

That being said, there are a few advantages to being a big mouth. I loudly defend my friends and family, I advocate for my kids and I save people the time of trying to figure out whether they want to get to know me because I rarely stand on the fence about much of anything (although I can usually see both sides of the argument, I generally jump down one way or the other).

There are a couple of things I try to be careful of. I do not talk about things that people I respect (and most of the time even those I don't respect) have asked me not to repeat. And I DO NOT flat out make up false information about people.

So now that I have disclaimed, I plan to call the kettle black.

This little town that I live and love has quite the grapevine of information. I have heard through this grapevine that I should think about getting a breast reduction, that I am a crazy atheist and my latest and most favorite - how much my pool cost (despite the fact that I think only my husband, the pool guy and an other nameless source and I know for sure). Evidently we got a real bargain on the pool, people can see inside my head to flesh out my feelings about God and religion and my cup size is important to more females than I ever imagined even thought about it. Who knew?

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that information (true and false) moves at lightning speed through this little Midwest town. I know that these things are never the result of one single person saying something - they are convoluted tales that grow over time. I guess if I am going to dish it out, I have to take it, too. I guess it is unlikely that I (or the rest of the vine is going to shut down any time soon). I guess keeping my mouth shut is always something I will struggle with and probably not something I will ever completely master. I will likely continue to say some things I shouldn't say in the heat of the moment. But I will also continue to say some really nice things, spread some really happy and useful information and try to prop up the people I know and love with words that they want or need to hear. So it's not all bad.

In the meantime, I guess I will wait for the name of the plastic surgeon I will be using to be made public. I would love to know who I plan to have do my body work.


Karlye said...

I LOVE this blog!
Just so you know, we never called you an Athiest! Feel like I should issue this disclaimer since we too live in this small town and know how all too often incorrect information gets spread. There seems to be no doubt that you believe in God, at least from what I know about you.
Interesting about the breast reduction. Unless someone else is carrying around your boobies, not sure how it's any of their business.
Your pool and patio sound awesome, love the idea of the fire pit. Wouldn't be too concerned about what anyone thinks of you putting it in. At least you won't have to deal with 'em at the pool next summer:o)

kreed said...

Karlye - the atheist comment was actually quite a while ago and I know where it came from. I totally didn't mean to imply that you said it!

Anonymous said...

OK....I would have to say...YOU and I must be a lot a like! I almost felt like I was reading a story about myself. I am usually pretty open about everything and I do lots & lots of research! I try not to talk behind peoples backs, I usually tell them right out how I feel. I can get sucked into that gossip vortex just like anyone else and then the grapevine, can come back to bite you in the ass! It sounds like between the bra size and pool stuff...they must be jealous! Instead of telling you congrats etc..they feel the need to nit pick everything apart. I have decided that some women just don't want to leave middle/high school antics behind. I have found a lot of that on facebook and have made a conscience effort not fall into it...if you can't say the thing you type to the person's face, then DON'T type it!

Kari said...

That wasn't suppose to post anonymous, not sure why it did....

Anonymous said...


I could have written most of what you did. Although, I have smaller boobies and no pool in my backyard. Ha ha I have been known to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing or come off the wrong way. I think that's what makes me "special" ;) Either people understand and get it or they don't I am not going to change who I's who I AM, with flaws and all it's the way that God made me.

I don't know why someone would care about how much your pool costs...they are probably wishing they could build one and enjoy it the way you are going too.


kreed said...

I frankly find boob size even less interesting than what a pool costs, but what do I know? And I figure you never know where or how or why the original conversation came about - the grapevine has a way of changing things along the way! I know that probably way less than half of what comes through is anywhere remotely near accurate so I try to take it with a grain of salt. Again, though, as queen over-reactor, I tend to abandon logic in favor of a rant.

Wendi said...

This was fun to read. I come from a small town and prefer to live somewhere a little more populated so if I trip and fall on my face or something I'm just a crazy stranger and not the latest topic at the coffee shop. By the way- I always thought you were fun to talk to...but that was before I knew you were a crazy athiest ;) Really, opinionated people are more interesting anyway.

Jen said...

I always enjoy reading your blog. Difference in opinions and views makes the world go round. It helps sharpen each individual. I think that's how God intended it to be. I was clueless about all the gossip about you, but then again I am clueless about the gossip about me. But that form of ignorance I like.
Keep being yourself!

Debi said...

Your post was written with your boundless wit, sarcasm, and humor...and thus I couldn't help but chuckle away. But at the same time, it just made me so incredibly sad. Because that kind of crap is hurtful. I don't care how thick a skin one has, and I don't care how ridiculous the things that are said are and how utterly undeserving of one's attention they are...when someone else feels the need to just spout complete crap about you, it just has to hurt. I don't get it, Kara, I really don't. All I can think is that it must stem from jealousy. Because despite the fact that we see differently on a lot of issues, what I *know* about you is that you're one of the most generous, thoughtful, loving, giving people I've ever known. Period.

Of course, it sounds like my opinion wouldn't count for much there--you know, because I actually *am* one of those crazy atheists. :/

kreed said...

Wendi- You made me chuckle with the line about the coffee gave me a nice vision of all the little old men meeting for coffee discussing that cute young lady that took a header on the sidewalk!

Jen - I am usually pretty clueless about it, too. And I am pretty sure I am not a terribly hot topic around here - Tongie is much more boring than I thought if I am!

Debi - As usual, you make me feel so good with all of the nice things you say about me. That a person as great as you says such nice things about me makes me feel really good! :) And I will say that my skin is getting pretty thick as I get older - I figure pretty soon I will be one of those crazy ladies riding around on my scooter wearing mismatched clothes and hitting people with my cane. That actually sounds kind of fun...

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel, as I am the same, hence our lasting (even though I am terrible at correspondence) friendship. Although small towns offer much opportunity for this kind of gossip, even larger towns do too because we all really live in our own personal small towns, mine includes a university research lab, possibly the general department, and a boeing office, oh and two families that can never refrain from offering tehir opinions about oh everything. I apprecieate your perspective. We all need some sometimes, especially those of us that only have limited control of what opinions we are willing to express in what crowd.
Miss you,

kreed said...

Miss you, too, Kat. You bring up a good point about the personal small town...I guess there really is no escaping!